Bush Resumes Golf Game

By James Braid
Published: July 4th, 2009

WASHINGTON (AFP) — Former U.S. President George W. Bush returned to the fairway this week, after previously giving up the game out of respect for the families of U.S. soldiers killed in the conflict in Iraq in 2003.

“I saw him polishing his clubs last week,” stated a White House security agent, who wished to remain anonymous. “Of course, we all assumed he was just sneaking out to play like he usually does.”

In an interview with Yahoo! News and Politico in 2003, Bush resolved to refrain from his leisure pursuit out of solidarity with the families of soldiers in Iraq. “I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal,” he said.

“I don’t want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the Commander-in-Chief playing golf.”

The U.S. President claims to have renounced the game during the August 19, 2003 bombing of the United Nations headquarters in Baghdad, in which Sergio Vieira de Mello, the world body’s top official in Iraq, was killed.

“I remember when de Mello got killed in Baghdad as a result of these murderers who were taking this good man’s life.” The tragedy forced Bush off the fairway at the 12th hole, and home to his ranch in Crawford, Texas.

Meticulous records kept by CBS News, however, trace the President’s last official round of golf to October 13, 2003.

One source close to the President’s caddy claimed that Bush’s dismal score at that last game did, in fact, come out of solidarity with troops stationed in Iraq. “It’s like, they’re having a hard time, he was having a hard time…. At some point, I think he was just like, ‘I’ve been out here for, like, six hours. I was sure I was gonna win at the 2nd hole. When is this gonna end?’”

Bush assured The Times that the game will not interfere with his continued search for Osama bin Laden.